Engineers tend to think that since they chose a technical career that they don’t need to deal with customers much, but this typically isn’t the case.

Most jobs deal with people on some level and really everyone can be viewed as a customer if you think about it.

You’re providing a service or product and your colleagues, boss, or company can all be thought of as “customers.”

It’s inevitable that you’ll deal with someone that is angry and yells at you.

How do you personally react to conflict?

Do you snap and deal it back to them, or do you freeze and have no idea what to say?

From many years of working in restaurants, bars, retail stores, and as an engineer I learned a lot about customer service.

Here are some simple pointers on how to deal with angry customers.

 

Listen

Always, the first thing to do when dealing with angry customers is to let them vent.

Sometimes all people want is to just be heard and for someone to care about what they’re going through.

You may have no idea what else they have going on in their lives that may have triggered them, and they may not even be angry at you.

You unfortunately end up being the punching bag.

It happens.

But sometimes people cool off after getting it all off their chest.

Take the higher road and patiently listen to their concerns and then try to help them.

Everyone just wants to feel appreciated and know that someone is helping them.

 

Respond Calmly

In addition to attentive listening, you must model to them how to calmly converse.

Respond to angry yelling by speaking very slowly and softly.

Upset people are on a completely different level of excitement and are inviting you to do the same, but lowering yourself to a calmer baseline will help them be aware of their own state.

They might not even be able to hear you but see your lips moving.

Sometimes they quickly realize themselves that they are out of line and may choose to calm down in order to communicate.

 

Be Honest

Maybe a customer is mad because something was actually your fault.

This is obviously not an ideal situation, but nevertheless needs to be dealt with.

You must learn and practice being strong and admit when you’ve screwed up.

Taking responsibility for your errors exhibits integrity and leadership.

Everyone is so used to people making excuses or blaming others that this direct honesty might actually earn their respect and extinguish their frustration.

Remind them that you are human and sometimes you make mistakes. Apologize and move on.

If they keep trying to reopen the wound and talk about your mistake, distract them by reminding them you need to move on and solve the problem at hand.

 

Alien Ears

When someone is belligerent or shouting at you, sometimes the above tactics just don’t work and things start to spin out of control.

It’s all too easy to get drawn into the emotional fury. This is actually subconsciously what they are doing. They are so angry, it’s overflowing and they are trying to share it with you.

It’s normal for your nervous system to react by taking that anger onboard and triggering the fight or flight anxiety response.

To deal with this, you need to try and remove yourself from this negative energy.

Imagine that you are an alien looking down at some earthling who is completely off the rail, yelling, spitting, and frantic about something.

You’re just observing and taking notes on this human’s reaction.

Distancing yourself from the situation allows you view it from afar and helps you realize that this is someone else’s emotional response, not yours.

 

Consistently Repeat Yourself

This tactic works particularly well when you have to deliver bad news to someone, or make a decision that you know they won’t like.

Sometimes people get outraged because they just can’t believe what you said, or they are just upset about what needs to be done.

They might try coming at you with different angles and invite you to debate or coax you out of your stance on a decision.

Don’t take their bait to undermine your position. Remain consistent and gently repeat the same thing over and over no matter what they say.

They eventually will get the point and realize you’re not backing down.

I was a bartender for many years and cutting people off from drinking when they were intoxicated was difficult. This was a great approach for telling them they just couldn’t drink at your bar anymore.

Be very clear on what you’re saying while incredibly polite and respectful.

As mentioned before, deliver the news softly and calmly.

 

Post Pone the Conversation

Sometimes no matter what you do, people are just so dang mad that they can’t calm down.

They may put you down, use profanity, or call you names.

Add in your anxiety response, and no one will be able to solve any problems successfully in this state.

Show yourself respect by cutting off their abuse and extracting yourself from the situation. 

It’s ok to calmly let them know that you just really can’t help them if they are so angry and being so mean to you, so offer to talk to them at another time after everyone has cooled off.

You’re still offering good customer service by helping them solve their problem, but also respecting yourself by stopping their abuse.

Remind them you’re just someone that’s trying to help and that you’ll talk later when they’ve calmed down and can be more respectful.

 

Conclusion

Dealing with people is a very necessary part of society, but sometimes can be the most difficult task. Angry, yelling customers can either make us want to fight or cause us completely freeze and not know what to say.

From years of working in customer service, I’ve found these tricks really help to respectfully disarm people and get down to the outcome of just trying to solve problems.

• Attentively listening
• Responding calmly and clearly
• Being honest
• Using an “Alien Ears” technique to extract yourself from the anger
• Consistently repeating yourself
• Post pone the conversation until they’ve cooled off

Using these techniques can really help you cut through one of the most difficult working situations you’ll be faced with, elevating your leadership and communication skills and impressing others.